this night

the room sulks in sheer shades of blue and gray
and you talk through curtains of shadows
these sheets feel like paper between my fingertips
but I listen as your voice lays low under your chin
you’re closer now and I don’t know where to look
your lips, your eyes — everywhere adds inertia to the top
that spins within my mind
your forehead, your ears, your nose — no
it only magnifies the shimmery something that quivers within me
your hands, they undo me
my tongue tangles words and you laugh as I squirm
your lips sell me on silence
but then you pull away and I don’t like it
the feeling of you not being there, the empty space I cannot bear
the firelight kisses your face
and that simply isn’t fair

my dreams this night are beautifully blank
my arms this night are beautifully full
and I wake beautifully blissful

© 2016 Stellular Scribe

Practicing Perceptions

You press your perceptions
of me into air-dry clay;
shall I count the ways?
I am proficient
(occasional higher level learning, you say;
but let’s not get ahead of ourselves, you say).
I am reserved parking
(easy to exit and others keep out, you say;
easy to drop off and pick up right away).
I am not temperature controlled
(a bob cat in heat when the moment strikes, you say;
but beneath all that fire’s an empty rib cage).
I am an isolated car seat
(ripped from the vehicle, tossed onto the street, you say;
more free stuff to ride in this great game of life, hey).
I am a work of heart
(a piece of work, for the start, you say;
I poke and you’re a deflated globe, you say).
I am ‘my world’
(your world, that is, you say;
you’ve only ever loved yourself, anyway).
You map your longing for me
like I’m a primary atlas;
so long, I’ve put it into practice.

© 2016 Stellular Scribe

His Perishing Flesh

you_found_me__by_malinmellryd-d6ox567
“You found me.” by MalinMellryd

What withered thumb marks the
ash on my temple,
streaking the remains  of
his perishing flesh? I cannot
call his name — indeed,
it would steal my breath.
Neither crucifix nor holy
stain, his dust does not
stir lenten requiems, but rather
dark and furled refrains that
bounce against these sacred walls.
That is not all — he leaves
me smoke, bitter incense without
the chants; I kneel in wait,
but I do not pray. I do not sing —
in truth, I can’t. His mossy teeth
protect no tongue, and his hand,
it marks my face with ash. Silently,
he reaches near to enfold me in
his perishing flesh.

© 2016 Stellular Scribe

rising with the curtains

glinting off your sequined dress I
see myself and all the rest, and think it’s
funny, how they say the night falls, because
in your voice it stands mighty tall, rising
with the curtains and beaming
like the moon and stirring up the
jazz band until it sings above the rest, stars
glinting off your sequined dress.

It’s red — an original poem

There’s anger in red, at least, that’s what most will say.
Red is anger, fury, fire and brimstone.
It’s lust and violence.
Red is raw and reaping energy, the solid and the faint, the systematic and the chaotic.

But red, this red —
this complete and utter embodiment into red,
drowning, choking, becoming.
This red is not angry.
It’s acceptance.
Acceptance of our mortality, acceptance of the inevitability of drowning.
It’s warm but not blazing, unhinged but not fury.
This red is becoming. It’s hard and soft and loud and quiet —
but not angry.

I could poke my metaphor stick at red for hours.
I could un-turn it and repaint it and evolve it into some great symbol of
the telling faults of humanity’s ignorance to becoming.

But it’s red. And it’s not angry. And that’s
really all I have to say.

© 2015 Stellular Scribe

He is a Boy in Mourning — an original poem

He’s a boy with a ball and a compliance in his eyes.

Youth, it seems, is wasted on the young.
Here we have a boy with a ball, and a plaid sweater, and a compliance in his eyes.
He is young, his face round and doughy, his hair curly, his fingers sausagey.
But he is not young.

There is a compliance in his eyes.

Youth, it seems, is not wasted on the young but stolen by the old.
Here we have a boy in mourning and he doesn’t know it.
His elders do not know it.
For they are the ones who dressed him in that plaid sweater and placed a ball in his arms and told him to stand.
He is staring at them with a compliance in his eyes, and a passiveness on his lips, and a naivety under his chin.

He is not playing, he is posing, with a ball in his hands and a plaid sweater on his arms and a compliance in his eyes.

He is a boy in mourning, and I mourn for him.

© 2015 Stellular Scribe

ritual — an original poem

turning, writhing
not constricting, but inhabiting, assuming
a serpent, orange as the early sun
a woman, pale as the withered toes of a corpse
her face, her expression
poised and pursed
with eyes that see everything and nothing
hair stricken by electricity, turned to straw
sprouting from her scalp
she seems vaguely disappointed with the serpent
that coils her neck, her wrists, her waist
tribal, territorial, dominant
it does not faze her
she is performing a ritual, one that she’s acted out
a hundred times now, and it’s dragging custom to her
now
her brow, arched on stilts, thin and fast as a
runner, a dark, demanding frame to her eyes, her
eyes that see everything and nothing
I feel upset, angry, confused at the woman
why must she go on not caring?
she is the most powerful, steely-faced woman in the
room, she adorns a snake, she commands her art,
and she doesn’t care

© 2015 Stellular Scribe

Oh Rose

Oh Rose, will you wake from your slumber?
Oh Rose, will you climb from the dirt?
There are shadows approaching;
they darken the sun —
Oh Rose, find your root, take the world.

Oh Rose, do you know they are praying?
Oh Rose, they are crying for you!
Their hearts, how they’ve blackened,
so they tend your soil —
Oh Rose, spread your petals, pursue.

Oh Rose, what is it that you’ve done?
Oh Rose, there is blood on your hands!
You choked from the earth
the spirits sheltered  —
Oh Rose, steel your stem and withstand.

Oh Rose, have you heard the people talking?
Oh Rose, they condemn you for dead!
Your thorns have grown long
and strangled the land —
Oh Rose, they’re coming, duck your head.

Oh Rose, you must go into hiding.
Oh Rose, you must strike from the dark.
The shadows are creeping,
their souls restless now.
Oh Rose, you must free them, embark! 

© 2015 Stellular Scribe

Romanticize vs. Ostracize: Perceptions of Mental Illness

The following two poems are written from the perspective of someone who doesn’t understand mental illness. In no way are these my views; I just wanted to expose the harmful perceptions of depression that far too many people hold — the romanticization of mental illness, and the complete disregard for it.


she sees the world for what it is
drawn
in smiles
across her skin

in black she feels
and the red she steals
for the colors smudged against the glass
form wilting words that can’t express
the beast that lives within us all
the beast for which she bends her neck

and only she
can see
it rise

a shadow looming over the jar

claws raking
‘cross the
sloping walls
heart racing
as it
roars for more

there’s beauty in her loneliness
there’s art within her fear

she paints it
low and gentle
while inside
she wracks and rears

upon her lips there lives a moan
but her eyes house only light

I can see her turmoil turning
and to me
it seems
so right

she sees the world for what it is
and what it is
is what we are

damaged
undone by the years
subject
to the turning earth

but most do not accept it
most are blind and bare

but she
she sees her
brokenness
she sees her
despair

and to combat the encroaching vines
she makes the strongest sacrifice

weeping
red
blooming
blue
her skin is what enslaves
her to
the beast that lives within us all
the beast that she must force to fall
and break the glass that lines the walls

there’s beauty in her hopelessness
there’s art within her pain

she cannot cry
but that’s all right
for I
hear only
rain



again
she bends her neck
to vice
and I shake my head
for knowing

she walks on legs thick as trees
she talks like a hundred buzzing bees
she lives free from natural disease

yet

again
she bends her neck
to vice
you’d think at most just
once or twice
unhappiness breeds in humanity
minus, of course, the insanity

and

again
she bends her neck
to grief
claims
the bell jar is
the thief
that stole her life up on a shelf

but I know the ways of mystery
and here’s an illusion she can’t see

the only thief
is
herself

fragile flower
shadowy beast
mere words
that reach
for sympathy
that I would give
to a crippled man
a withered old woman
a dying lad

but she
she lives for sympathy
for sunlight
on her mangled weeds

and I
I won’t give sympathy
until she stands up and agrees
to build a bridge and break for land
for she can’t drown
in nothing but
sand
and to smash the glass
that she pretends
traps
torments her
to no end

there is an
end
she makes the
end

because everything else
is just
pretend


© 2015 Stellular Scribe